Notes on being human.

Thanks to everyone who commented. Your human-ness shines through.

“What makes a human, human? Knee-jerk answers only.”

It’s been a minute since I posted this question in my Stack notes. I didn’t forget about it, and I appreciate all the answers. I find it incredibly interesting to know what other people think makes them human. I’m a soul-voyeur, if you will.

My first thought when reading your posts was how much emphasis we put on love and caring for those who have no value to us other than love. The ‘good’ love is born of empathy; the ‘bad’ love is born of blood lust, obsession, and being forced to choose a picture of a bridge to prove you’re human.

OK, maybe not the last part, but humans are uniquely adept at (choosing bridges - NO! Stop that!) giving a shit about other species that don’t openly benefit them physically, and in fact, cost money to feed and care for while judging them exclusively from underneath the bed covers with their butthole pressed firmly at eye-level on the pillows.

Like my goblin-cat. (More on that later.)

“Hey, I noticed these sheets were clean so I changed all that because absolutely not.”

Humans also seem to be the only species who question their existence and the meaning of it all. That being said, we have no idea what the whales or monkeys or dogs are saying, and could possibly be inflicting unknown emotional damage on the very beings we love (based purely on their human-perceived awesomeness) by telling the dog he’s “the bestest boi in the whole widey-worldy and a fuzzie-wuzzie doodle all the day,” when his bark at the squirrel was actually a cry for help in a fit of existential dread over his very existence and his craving for conversation with someone other than the idiot human who cannot stop saying dumb shit like ‘widey-worldy’ to him every minute of the day.

“Why do you speak to him like that? You know what you need? Pink eye.”

We could also counter that we have no idea what these animals are thinking, but they certainly seem to enjoy life more than most humans, and I wonder if it’s the lack of self- awareness or the fact they don’t have a mortgage or a credit score, and live specifically to continue the lineage of their species while improving it.

“Stop worshipping my magnificent butthole, ya’ weirdo. But look at my butthole. It’s magnificent, isn’t it?"

I mean, who wouldn’t like to lie around in an air-conditioned house with your butthole aimed at the human’s sleeping pillow? For that matter, who wouldn’t mind parading your butthole around like it’s the most glorious thing on earth? On second thought, I don’t really have a need for that, or seeing the b-hole of anyone else, for that matter. I’ve seen a lot of buttholes in my day. None of them is magnificent.

(For those of you who are new here, I was a nurse’s aide and a nurse for many, many years. I do not have a butthole fixation, I’m just talking about a Tuesday at work. Heh. Gotta love healthcare.)

I’m not sure why I felt the need to make a butthole clarification. It probably would have been funnier without one and newbies would either be fascinated or grossed out my flagrant use of the word ‘butthole.’ In other news, I’ve lost a lot of paid subs recently and cannot figure out why. Haha! Joke’s on me!

I did get one answer to my original post that was either scathing sarcasm or a cry for help that I never answered because I was too busy feeling it. (By the by, selfishness is referred to in a roundabout way as uniquely human, too.)

“I am not a human.”

OK, I’m not sure if this answer meant they didn’t know how to choose the bridge, or they are just intrinsically tired of this scene in general and would like to be something other than human, which seems odd to some of us, but is fair if you can do it without hurting anyone else. It’s also known as, ‘checking out,’ and I do it frequently, although I absolutely do not have Goat Guy’s level of commitment. I do most of mine while staring off into space and have never needed a helmet for that. Yet.

If you haven’t herd (haha) about the goat-guy, here ya’ go.

In closing, I think the human part of us is what answers questions like this with conviction. We’re cocky, us humans. We think we know everything because of our fancy thumbs and bank accounts when in fact pretty much everything we do ensures the decline and fall of our species entirely, which is extremely counter-intuitive and also a human trait.

To be human is to be imperfect and continue to be imperfect even knowing we are imperfect because we are comfortably tucked away with our buttholes pressed on the pillow of existence in whatever people aquarium we choose.

Follow me for more happy thoughts and flagrant use of the word butthole. Until next time, remember that you’re not always right because you can write. We’re not nearly as smart as we think we are. Calm down and enjoy the ride instead of fucking up the track, kids. It’s better that way.

Be safe out there and don’t forget to turn it up in your hunt for humanity.