Confession time.

In my defense, I am not a chemist, a saint, a witch, or a scientist.

So I think Kylie Jane Kremer may be on to me.

Honestly, it was an accident and I can’t really take full credit for it. The Dow corporation surely has some culpability here.

Kylie Jane is a right wing influencer and clearly one of the brain trust for MAGA. She figured out what she thought was an evil plan to ‘geoengineer’ hot weather in July on the East Coast, when in fact it was probably me, mixing Tilex and Lime Away in the same tub. Or, the fact that it is JULY ON THE EAST COAST.

But just in case, I feel a confession may be in order here.

It was an accident, I swear it.

Be advised. It is a bad idea. (Both Kylie Jane in general and mixing tub cleaners, not the confession.)

I really did consider that before doing it but I only have so much ooompf in me to clean a tub, and Tilex doesn’t get rid of the hard water blobs on the faucet and handles, so I ingeniously sprayed the tile with Tilex (appropriate, according to the name) and applied the Lime Away to just the hardware of the tub, so both could be cleaned without a rinse in between.

I let those marinate while I squirted toilet bowl cleaner into the toilet, so it could also marinate while I cleaned the tub and all would be finished in a remarkably efficient manner.

Because in my head ideas work correctly.

After I woke up, I thanked my lucky stars that I had fainted on the tub because the toilet hadn’t been cleaned.

I also opened the windows and let what might have been the demise to King Kiddiddler’s big stupid wire fraud party in the form of an inadvertently ‘geoengineered’ cloud of noxious gas that I last saw making its way towards eastbound I-70 with a quickness.

I feel like I should just go ahead and turn myself in, but I never got around to mopping the kitchen because my hands gave up, so I’m probably not gonna bother until they come get me.

Great work, Kylie Jane. You are definitely an asset to your cause. Keep up the good work.

Until next time, do not mix cleaning products. (Does anyone remember Lily Tomlin in “The Incredible Shrinking Woman,”? Have we learned nothing?? I’m going to watch it again just to reinforce the idea that Tilex and Lime Away cannot co-exist, although being teeny tiny might be fun for a little while.)

Please be safe out there. Kylie Jane has over a hundred thousand followers, with brains just as astute as hers. Joy and rapture. Turn it up!