Alien bait wrapped in tin foil, with a cherry on top

Packaged for easy consumption, or protected from nefarious mind control?

Psst…the tin foil isn’t working like you think it is. And believe it or not, there’s scientific evidence to back the statement. But first, where did the idea originate? Well friends, here’s where the rabbit hole swallowed me because metal hats have been a thing since metal was forged.

Also know as ‘helmets,’ metal hats have been used to protect the ol’ cantaloupe from being cracked open by opposing brain-scramblers in the form of rocks, spears, arrows or swords hurled at high rates of speed towards the face, chest, neck, breast and head for thousands of years. (Shout out to The Jerky Boys, I will never not use that phrase when I can.)

As far as being used specifically to block nefarious mind control, it appears that the first notable mention was actually made by Julian Huxley, sister of Aldous (Brave New World) in her 1927 story, “The Tissue-Culture King.” This early science-fiction fantasy work is extraordinary in that it not only mentions mind control, it also delves into the possibility of keeping our ancestry alive through histological banks of tissue. Don’t miss it. It’s an interesting read. (There are racial overtones, be advised.)

“The reader will perhaps ask how we ourselves expected to escape from the clutches of the superconsciousness we had created. Well, we had discovered that metal was relatively impervious to the telepathic effect, and had prepared for ourselves a sort of tin pulpit, behind which we could stand while conducting experiments. This, combined with caps of metal foil, enormously reduced the effects on ourselves.” The Tissue Culture King, Julian Huxley, 1927

In 2005, four MIT graduate students with access to expensive lab equipment and nothing better to do, decided to put forth a study on the effectiveness of tin foil hats. “On the Effectiveness of Aluminum Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study,” in which a $250k piece of analyzing equipment was used to determine whether or not radio waves can be blocked by tin foil hats. What they found was not only does it not work, it amplifies some frequencies.

“Among a fringe community of paranoids, aluminum helmets serve as the protective measure of choice against invasive radio signals. We investigate the efficacy of three aluminum helmet designs on a sample group of four individuals. Using a $250,000 network analyser, we find that although on average all helmets attenuate invasive radio frequencies in either directions (either emanating from an outside source, or emanating from the cranium of the subject), certain frequencies are in fact greatly amplified. These amplified frequencies coincide with radio bands reserved for government use according to the Federal Communication Commission (FCC). Statistical evidence suggests the use of helmets may in fact enhance the government's invasive abilities. We speculate that the government may in fact have started the helmet craze for this reason.”

But wait, there’s more. Apparently the “fringe community paranoids” have their own scientists. A swift rebuttal of the MIT study was posted on the ZPi Blog (Serving the paranoid since 1997) by Lyle Zapato stating, among other things, that the MIT study was flawed and only serves to ‘disembeanie’ the faithful foil hat folk, thus leaving them open to mind control.

“A recent MIT study calls into question the effectiveness of Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanies. However, there are serious flaws in this study, not the least of which is a complete mischaracterization of the process of psychotronic mind control. I theorize that the study is, in fact, NWO propaganda designed to spread FUD against deflector beanie technology, and aluminum shielding in general, in order to disembeanie paranoids, leaving them open to mind control.”

Zapato goes on to describe a very detailed analysis and makes a good argument for continuing to wear your tin foil hat, just in case. Also, ‘disembeanie’ is my new favorite word.

So there you have it. Both sides of the pancake and a really neat sci-fi story to read as well. My work here is done. Enjoy your day and if you’re sporting a tin foil hat, stay out of the sun, friend. Your brain is not a baked potato. Yet.